Ways for Men to Deal with Loneliness

Life can be lonely.

It’s a fact.

Throughout our lifetimes, everybody will experience inevitable phases of loneliness, and it tends to come and go as our social, family, and work lives shift and evolve.

According to some studies, a very high proportion of people feel “lonely,” and loneliness can be correlated with rates of depression.

In our post-pandemic world, most people have experienced loneliness, but especially as men, it can be difficult to talk about.

So, is it normal to feel down when you’re lonely?

Absolutely.

But today, we’ll be discussing what loneliness really is, and looking at ways to protect our physical health, mental health, and relationships through various coping strategies and techniques.

Because you don’t have to live with loneliness—it’s possible to feel better.

What is loneliness?

Loneliness is described as a secondary emotion, which is a mental state in which people find it difficult to form relationships and feel connected with others despite their desire to do so.

They may feel unwelcomed and long for a sense of belonging.

It isn’t necessarily being alone and excluded from social interactions; it is a subjective sense of feeling isolated, misunderstood, or stuck in patterns that feel unhealthy.

As humans are inherently social beings, our well-being is connected to the quantity and quality of our human relationships, including friends, family, work, and community connections.

Anything that gets in the way of these relationships can lend itself to a sense of loneliness, whether the cause is internal or external.

Social isolation is predominant in today’s world, where most connections are carried out on social media, through video apps (such as Zoom), or via video games online.

You may have a thriving online social life, but still feel lonely as your ability to meet people and maintain in-person social connections is compromised in favour of more convenient channels—both in work and with friends.

How do men cope with loneliness?

The number one thing we can do to deal with loneliness is to be proactive about it.

Male loneliness is a less–well–understood condition, so we can’t expect the world to come to our help; we must manifest positive patterns that allow us to get where we want to be.

That being said, you don’t have to go it alone (literally).

Assessing and focusing on relationships you have with close friends, family members, or other loved ones is the number one place to start when it comes to addressing feelings of loneliness or isolation.

Your emotional well-being is important, so the following are some strategies that may support you in your journey to create better human connections.

Be socially active

Well, obviously, right?

It sounds like an obvious strategy, but being socially active doesn’t mean going to the local gym to meet new friends, nor does it mean you have to go chat up strangers at the bar or the library.

Being socially active means proactively participating in opportunities to forge closer relationships with friends, your community, and others in your social network.

Examples include volunteering, taking up a new sport, starting classes, or even just inviting a friend to come chat over coffee.

While it can be difficult to overcome things like social anxiety, it’s important to recognize that your wellbeing depends on your ability to create and maintain patterns of connection with those around you.

They may not always come to you passively, so actively creating situations where you can meet with people is the best strategy.

Focus on your physical health

Men are susceptible to mental effects stemming from poor physical condition.

When our physical activity dwindles, or we carry too much body fat, or even when our sleep patterns are off, we can experience a drop in free testosterone in the body, alongside an increase in cortisol.

Low test and high cortisol can put the body in a “fight or flight” state where social anxiety spikes, and self confidence may dip.

In other words, poor physical health can lead to loneliness through social avoidance and other unhealthy patterns.

How do you fix this?

The simple answer is to eat healthy food, restrict alcohol and other substance use, sleep well, and physically exert yourself often through the gym or some other means.

Self care needs to be a top priority, even when the pressure of the world means it feels difficult to start.

You can “kill 2 birds with 1 stone” by doing these things together with friends/family. It might look like doing something active with a friend (hikes, pickle ball, sports team, etc.), cooking a healthy meal with your partner, or family walks after dinner, etc.

Increase awareness

Once you’ve committed to some socially active events in your calendar and remembered to take care of your physical body, the next thing to do is to examine how you are showing up in social interactions.

Often, men are are unaware of how they come across and why they might consistently get certain responses from others. Its time to take a good hard look at yourself. Loneliness can be defined by a lack of connection, and so you can ask yourself, “how is the way I interact with others resulting in a lack of connection?”

You are not trying to judge yourself negatively, you are simply identifying potential sources of solutions. Because often times men are missing key components of connection when they interact with others.

For example, people generally want to feel liked.

So ask yourself: “Do i give the impression that i like the person when im interacting with them? Do i try to “not look too eager”?

Do i try to impress others by “one upping” them?

Am I present in the conversation?

These are all important things to notice about yourself.

Another place to focus is the balance of conversation.

Maybe you’re talking about yourself all the time and not asking questions, leaving the other person to feel like they don’t matter.

Or perhaps you dont expand on your answers when people ask you things...leaving them unable to get to know you... if you’ve heard “you’re hard to get to know”, this might be you!

Increasing awareness of these things is going to be crucial, especially for the next step.

Taking Action

Next, you can identify 1-2 things that you think would be important to work on in your interactions with others.

Perhaps its remembering to ask others questions, maybe its trying hard to focus on the person when they are talking, or mustering up the courage to actually invite people to hang out with you.

Practice improving these aspects of your social self and notice the discomfort of being vulnerable....its hard putting yourself out there, its hard to show people that you care or are interested, its hard to talk about yourself if you are not used to it.

These things are hard, but with practice you get more comfortable with it.

Leverage positivity

There is something to be said for negative feedback loops.

A stress causes a response, that response causes further stress, and so on.

Before you know it, you’ve cut off friends or family, and you start to feel like nobody understands the pressure you are under.

This is a common cause of loneliness, and it can be difficult to break the loop once it is established.

Focusing on small positive improvements in your life is one way to do so. You can focus on the progress and positive steps you’ve taken, rather than on the shortcomings or struggles you’ve had.

Sometimes, taking an introspective look at yourself and how far you have come, and what you have accomplished, can give you new perspective on your current situation.

You have the power and the agency to identify the things in your life that bring you value and to choose to focus on those things.

While this might not immediately alleviate loneliness, it certainly helps point your attention and energy in a new direction.

Work with a professional

If you feel overwhelmed with your feelings of loneliness, don’t hesitate to seek help from a mental health professional.

Life can feel overwhelming at times, but you deserve therapy that frees you from the shackles of anxiety.

And don’t be shy; male loneliness is a genuine mental health issue so there is no need to minimize your feelings.

Speak with a professional at Key Psychological today for a free phone consult to see if we might be a good fit to help.